WHY CAN I STOP DRINKING FOR A MONTH BUT STILL GO BACK TO THE SAME PATTERN?
For years, taking January off alcohol actually made me worry less about my drinking.
That sounds backwards now, but at the time it made perfect sense to me. I had stopped for a whole month. Some of the men I drank with wouldn't have managed that, or at least I didn't think they would. So I would come out of January feeling as though I had proved something.
I can take it or leave it.
There can't be that much wrong if I can just switch it off for 30 days.
Then January would finish and I would start drinking again.
That was the bit I never really examined.
I was so pleased with myself for being able to stop that I didn't pay enough attention to what happened once I started again.
Looking back, they were two completely different questions.
Being able to stop drinking for a month was one thing.
Being able to control what happened once I put alcohol back into my life was another.
For me, the second question was much harder.
THE MONTH OFF BECAME MY REASSURANCE
My first full Dry January was back in 2011. I did more after that and each one gave me the same feeling.
I'd proved my point.
I wasn't like somebody who couldn't stop. I could. In fact, in my head, I was probably doing better than some of the people around me because I had managed something they hadn't.
That gave me permission.
I'd done January. I'd been good. Now I could drink again.
There was almost a feeling that I had earned it.
I'd joke about making up for the 30 days I'd missed and then slip back into the same life I had been living before the break.
Work. Pub. Sleep. Repeat.
I wasn't coming out of January asking whether I liked that life. I was coming out of it satisfied that I had passed my own test.
The trouble was, I had written the test.
WHAT HAPPENED WHEN I STARTED AGAIN MATTERED MORE
This became much harder for me to ignore in 2016.
I had stopped for much longer than a month. Then I drank again.
I called into the pub, had four or five lagers, and the following day turned into an all-day session.
It was immediate.
Like somebody had flicked a switch.
The whole scene started playing again.
That experience forced me to look at something I had avoided for years. I could turn alcohol off. I had proved that plenty of times.
But once I turned it back on, the drinking did not behave the way I liked to pretend it did.
That's the distinction I wish I'd understood earlier.
You can stop it. You can turn it off fully. But that doesn't necessarily tell you what happens once you turn it back on.
Two different things.
And that's why, if somebody tells me they're doing Dry January, Sober October or another 30-day break, I would never tell them the month is pointless.
Quite the opposite.
I'd just tell them to be careful about the message they take from it.
Just be cautious about what message you're receiving from that 30-day break.
Because I received the message I wanted.
I decided it meant I didn't really have a drinking problem. I decided I was better than some of my peers because I could take it or leave it.
Yet once I started again, I often drank harder because I'd proved that point to myself.
It proved nothing.
If anything, the conclusion I drew from it allowed me to damage myself for longer.
DON'T ONLY ASK WHETHER YOU REACHED DAY 30
If you're taking a month off, I'd pay attention to what happens during it rather than treating the finishing line as the only result.
What are your mornings like?
How much time are you spending thinking about drinking?
Are your evenings different?
What are you enjoying?
What are you missing?
Do you feel relieved that alcohol is temporarily out of the argument, or are you counting down until you can drink again?
And then there is one question I barely asked myself:
What usually happens when I start again?
That might tell you more than completing the month.
For me, Day 31 was almost predetermined. The experiment ended and alcohol came back.
I didn't really stop to consider whether there was something worth exploring beyond the point I already knew.
By 2016, thirty days wasn't new to me. I'd done that.
Ninety days frightened me because it was different.
I remember thinking of it as three Dry Januarys stuck together.
That still felt possible in a way forever absolutely didn't.
I wasn't saying I'd never drink again. I wasn't trying to solve the rest of my life. I was simply going beyond the point where I normally stopped the experiment.
And that gave me different information.
It gave me more ordinary life without alcohol in it.
More Fridays. More weekends. More workdays. More difficult days and good ones. More time to notice what I was doing, who I was spending time with and what I actually wanted.
That's the part I had never allowed myself to get to before.
So if you're doing Sober October, use it.
Get your 31 days.
But I wouldn't decide today that 1 November automatically belongs to alcohol.
You don't have to make a forever decision either. Those aren't the only two options.
You can just stay curious a little longer.
My mistake was never taking January off.
My mistake was deciding too quickly what January had proved.
SAFETY NOTE
If you drink heavily every day, or you experience symptoms such as shaking, sweating, nausea or feeling unwell when you reduce alcohol, speak to a medical professional before suddenly stopping.
